After about 18 months we moved back to the states, thinking we would be getting settled in our new duty station. The military had other plans. Curtis was to go to Arizona to train for a new position for 4 months. My plan was to set up shop in Fort Campbell (KY/TN) and wait for him until he returned to our new home. Well, we couldn’t find a new home, and nothing seemed to go right. So after almost a month of staying with a “friend” we packed up our car and went back to New York (where “home” is).
While we were there “visiting” I decided I would rather just stay with my in-laws for four months, then go back to Kentucky alone, Curtis agreed. He was on a baby kick. Desperately wanting another child. Me? No way. I didn’t want any more babies, I was DONE with babies… or at least I thought so. I tried my hardest to “please” my husband and not get pregnant. *sigh*
A month after we got to New York he flew to Arizona. I knew I was pregnant, I could feel it. I took a test while he was traveling, and what do you know!? A big fat +
He called me when he got there and I told him the news. He didn’t believe me. There was no way that I could know that soon that I was pregnant. But lets be real, by the third time you’re a bit of an expert. I knew my way around a pregnancy test, I knew early signs, I just knew. This made us fight until I could get to the Doctors to have my pregnancy confirmed. Why would I lie? Oh well it’s in the past.
After it was confirmed, I felt like I had with Collin. Dis-attachment. UGH! Why can’t I just enjoy pregnancy?! It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it. I really loved being pregnant, but stress,.. it gets the best of us sometimes. At this time the military was screwing us over, not paying my husband the right amount, put him in a hotel because they “forgot” he was coming so there wasn’t lodging for him, and he had to pay for a freakin rental car! There was little to no money, I was fighting with my in-laws (who I was stuck living with). It was just a mess. It was finally the icing on the cake when he told me that he wanted to move back “home” to New York when he eventually got out of the military.
Let me just tell you,.. I HATED “home” with a passion! I never wanted to go back, I hated it so much I would do anything not to go back. So we fought, and fought and then we stopped talking. I decided that being a single mother of three, just wasn’t what I wanted…
That leads to a whole other story (<This was written the day of, in my own words, with a lot of emotion) but for this purpose, long story short I almost got an abortion. But we’re not going to go into that here and now. I didn’t do it and I was scared. How in the world would I take care of these kids by myself?
Well not long after that I was kicked out of my in-laws house. Me and the kids moved in with my (very reluctant) dad. And slowly Curtis and I fixed our relationship. After about a month, my dad said “You guys gotta go!”.. so I made plans to leave. Take my kids, and my best friend and drive all the way to Arizona from New York halfway through a pregnancy. But come on! I’m all about adventure! Let’s get this show on the road! But first, lets find out if I’m having a boy or a girl.
So I took my best friend, mom, Aunt and Daughter to the Doctors and got a sonogram. Everyone wanted me to have another girl including my daughter who was desperate for a little sister. When the time came, I knew as soon as I saw in-between that babies little legs.
It’s a boy.
This time, I feel much different then with Collin. I’ve learned now, boys are SO much easier (at least to me)! So I pack up my car, my kids, my support (aka best friend) and we drive, for 5 days and 4 nights. And when we get to Arizona, it’s back to bliss. But I’m worried about my little growing caterpillar, I’ve eaten like shit, I’ve been moving and on the road, and honestly, I haven’t quit smoking. I feel like a horrible mother… again. I’m ready to get to a home with my husband, and take care of myself… the military? They had other plans.
Curtis gets pulled from his class and told that we’re going no where. “Where you going? NO WHERE!” (sorry, I lost myself for a minute there) So we are stuck, living in a hotel for a month. Until finally one day the military says “Hey guys! So, you’re gonna go to Fort Benning Georgia now! Bye!” Which we’re cool with because we’re ready for our own bed, a home cooked meal, all that jazz.
We took our time getting there, stopping to visit family and friends in Texas and exploring. It was a nice little vacation, and we fell in love with DFW. When we got to Fort Benning we fell in love with a house in Alabama (Fort Benning is on the boarder of GA and AL), but the problem was the owner wouldn’t be leaving for a month. Well, I had already lived in a hotel for a month, why not!? So that’s what we did. By the time we got into the house, I was about 28 weeks along, with not a single thing ready for my little caterpillar.
So we did everything we could (which, after having two kids, you realize you don’t need THAT much for a baby), and I researched. I looked up everything and eventually, I had a 15 page birth plan. I had it memorized and I made Curtis read it multiple times. It covered everything from the beginning of labor to the day we go home. I even covered ‘in the event of an emergency c-section’. I knew what I wanted. I knew I could fight for it. As far as I was concerned, this would be my last baby, and my last chance to prove to myself that my body CAN have a baby naturally. That I was ‘woman enough’ and all that jazz.
To be continued…..